Aftersun — Anatomy of Parenting

My mother used to say "When you will become a parent only then you would understand" I hate to agree, but it’s true.

Raising is kid is never the primary goal for a parent, they are out in search of their own identity, live through their own struggle. Kids are like part of their entourage, the one person whom they love unconditionally and do anything for, but hero of their story they remain themselves. For a kid on the other hand, their parent is the world, their superhero, their only friend in the world when there is no other. A kids only goal is to make their parent happy. This is a recipe for disaster in any scenario. Unless you are "Jack Pearson from This is Us" and he had his flaws too.

Aftersun (movie Clip)

Aftersun is just this story, a 31 year old man travels to turkey to spend time with his 11 year old daughter. Who goes to Turkey to connect with their kid? In my mind this man, who was mostly beaten recently - established with the cast on his hand and no explaination for his kid when asked what happened to his shoulder. He had lost something in that fight and he was in Turkey to find it or atleast reconnect with it. Kid was just being his alibi or excuse for being there. 

The kid while exploring and knowing more about sexuality stumbles upon two guys kissing eachother. Realises this is also a possibility. It gave me a lingering feeling that may be this was what his father was struggling with and to just be closer to this forlorn, forbidden love he is here, in this country where nobody comes alone with their kid for a holiday. That’s why he goes back to the rug shop and buys a very expensive rug with may be very last of his savings - because this makes him closer to the loves he longs for - he literally hugs the rug. Nobody buys a rug for their kid.

All throughout he is struggling with his self loathing for he is not being accepted and love from his child is his only anchor. Many a moments stretch way too long and your heart is in your mouth - while you wait for father to re-emerge and not do something stupid, which he is very seriously contemplating. Just like the viewer, he too think of his daughter and comes back everytime.

When during long nights he couldn’t sleep, he watches recordings of the pure happy moments he spend with his daughter. Only thing which gives him solace. 

For the daughter her father is a superman, the most fun guy that she looks up to. She understands he doesn’t have much money so she is happy to spend her days with the stop gap arrangement of the holiday. She tries her best to do things he likes and even when he doesn’t like them anymore. The father might see himself as this very imperfect being who neither was able to make something of himslef nor was able to be a good father but the daughter gives her all for a father - who is the best father in the whole world for her. 

This breaks the father truly, like the final straw. He fills his heart with all the love he could muster and gave it to his daughter in a hug. When he says goodbye, its the final one. ( becuase he never gets old in flashes even though daughter does)

The daughter is shattered - she could never understand what happened, goes though all kinds of emotions while growing up. Never could connet with her father anymore, this trip becomes for her a sad memory and a pile of lie.

Until one day she when she becomes a parent herself. She takes a look at her live and find herself turning into her father. Now she understand him better though. She too has a kid whom she loves more than anything in the world but somehow realizing herself is the most important objective of her life. ( The scene where the baby starts crying and she offers to go comfort him is very very critical. - I guess it is the gist of the whole movie, may be whole of parenting.)

Yeah, I ended up seeing a different movie all together.